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In 2012, I had 2 operations back-to-back. It was an excruciating and grueling recovery. I was doing well until about 8wks post-op when I broke my back (T12 transverse process) in therapy. I spent another 10 days in the hospital and a month in an acute rehab facility. I was in a clamshell brace for over 8 months with no improvement. I underwent surgery #5 on 11/20/12 and required a 6th surgery on 11/24 due to serious complications. After spending another month in the hospital, I finally came home on 12/21/12. Recovery has been difficult and challenges seem to pop up whenever they get the chance. My most pronounced challenge are these terrible positional headaches that started in early 2013. I had a prior CSF leak in Nov 2012 however both the neurosurgeon and ortho surgeon believe it's occurring all over again as my brain MRI shows "clear & obvious indications of a CSF leak." I had at least 1/2 dozen consults with various specialists to determine what would be the best course of treatment and since bed rest hasn't worked, surgery is the only option left. Surgery #7 is full of unknowns regarding length of surgery, stay and recovery.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

And then there was HOPE…

I've been up since 2:10am with pain that just would not relent...I tossed, I turned, I fluffed pillows, I tossed some more...you know the story.  So at this point, I've been up for almost 5 hours and I've had alot of time to think.  And here's what I've been thinking about:  HOPE.  Small word, only 4 letters.  But big meaning...huge meaning...so I did some "research" and thought I'd share some with you.  With only 5 days to go, HOPE is something very near and dear to me.  It keeps me going and it keeps me from giving in.  Some days are better than others but I haven't lost it yet (hope, that is!) - Oh I've "lost it" many times (sometimes without warning), the flood gates just open up and out pour the tears.  But I haven't lost HOPE.  And here's why:


The word:  HOPE…“Hope provides us with an anchor; something to hold onto with our soul (intellect, emotions and faith). Faith needs hope to sustain it” (The Living Word Library).   Having a clear understanding of what God has promised you gives you hope, “an unfailing expectation in the ability of your God to fulfill His promise.”  Hope is something you think about and understand while faith is something you believe and confess even if you cannot understand it.  Hebrews 11:1 defines faith as: “the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see” (NIV).

 The place:  HOPE…last night, I had the honor and privilege of experiencing something so powerful and so uplifting that I couldn’t possibly keep it all to myself.  I was, for the first time in my life, “prayed over,” led by the Pastor of HOPE United Methodist Church (Jeff), and accompanied by 3 other members of the church who meet weekly to pray for prayer requests received by them.  This was by the far one of the most uplifting, encouraging and “full of hope” experiences I have ever had.  There were prayers for peace (not only for me but for my husband, children and parents as they go through this with me), prayers for strength and for successful surgeries, prayers for the doctors and nurses, just prayers for everyone involved in what lies ahead for me.  I was both grateful and humbled to have had the opportunity to experience HOPE, literally and figuratively, in such a positive, powerful uplifting and new way.  As I drove away, I noticed I was smiling – and my heart just felt lighter.  I left feeling a sense of renewal that things will be ok – that I will not walk this path alone and that with faith and hope and love, all things are possible.  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6) NIV.   

As I settled into bed last night, I thanked God…I thanked Him for HOPE…literally and figuratively, the word and the place.  Last night was everything I needed and more than I expected.

Sheryl Crow:  “I Shall Believe”


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