Discharge Date (Thurs., 4/3/12) from MAGEE....

Well, today I was officially given a discharge date of Thursday, May 3rd.  At that point, I will have spent exactly 4 weeks here.  My pain has come down somewhat but I am certainly not pain-free and I still have a long way to go in order to live the life I want and need to live which includes less pain, more smiling and alot more time playing with my children (3 and 5 yrs old)!  In my time here at Magee, I've made the most beautiful floral creations in horticultural therapy (now I just have to work on keeping them alive!!)  I've used water colors, wax, chalk, paints, sketch pencils etc in Art Therapy to make things that remind me of home: a heart with the names of my family members in it as well as a Millar Family Crest that i'm still working on - now that was a biting off a bit more than I could chew but what the heck.  We'll see how it turns out.  I've worked my butt off in therapies and I've had times where I just had to sit in the silence of my room and cry because that's what my mind and body needed to do.  I have a private room, for which I am soooooo incredibly grateful - and I have a view of the city of Philadelphia that would just make anyone say "Wow!" (I'll post some pictures when I get home).

I am learning alot about myself being here, not only as an inpatient - but as an Occupational Therapist who not only WORKS in a rehabilitation myself, but it now a patient in on.  I can tell you, it is VERY different being "on the other side."  I do believe that I'm being a very good patient (I try not to whine and complain too much - haha!) - I think it helps me, in a way, being a patient as well as a therapist, because I can use the same language the therapist uses and when I look at them and say "I can only do one more," they know I mean it.  I'm pushing myself as hard as I would push my patients, so in a way, I'm getting a taste of my own medicine...which i don't mind as long as it gets me out of here leaving better than when i came in!!  I'm learning about perspective in a way no one could ever teach me or explain to me, too.  My perspective has changed from that of a therapist, encouraging and often times requiring more of my patients, to now that of a patient, who is (or maybe isn't) always able to give it all I've got at times due to pain, fatigue or plain old motivation.  I KNOW HOW IT FEELS NOW.  I also know i'm not here forever - and the time I'm here I need to work as hard as possible - "encouraging and requiring" more of myself (the patient) because I know my time here is limited.  The rewards in the end should (no, they WILL) outweigh the trials, tears and the "I can't do it's".  All over Magee, you see "BELIEVE." on a wall in their gym hangs a poster.  It reads (in part) "BELIEVE.....in the art of inspiration. In the craft of creating hope and shared vision for recovery and return...our passion for what's possible makes each and every day a new opportunity to inspire. And when we succeed we receive our inspiration.  This is the art of MAGEE Rehabilitation Hospital."  And this couldn't be more true.  As a therapist, I can truly see and honestly appreciate how what we do as therapists (speaking as an OT now) is truly a "craft of creating new possibilities" because the dawn of each new day creates opportunities for inspiration and hope for both me the "patient" (as is the case right now) and me the "therapist."  It is truly a work of art to get your patients to believe in not only themselves but their own abilitlies and more importantly, their endless possibilities.  Every day, we (speaking as an OT) paint on the canvas of our patients - and every day they paint on it as well...but together as patient and therapist, wecreate our own craft of "hope and shared vision for recovery and return."  BELIEVE...not only in yourself and your own possibilities but believe that you are capable of great and life changing opportunities despite the challenges that have been placed before you...if ever a word to say it all, B-E-L-I-E-V-E.

Soooooo much for smooth sailing.....

Well my fiends and family....ALOT and I do mean A-L-O-T has happened since the last post I made way back in early March. I don't even know how it all happened but I'll do my best to describe what I know. I was doing well, fairly well physically and surgically aside from several weeks of stomach issues (see my "Tummy Troubles" entry before this post). So here's whats been going on.

I was about 2 weeks away from discharge from my home PT and was making slow,steady progress. On the weekend of 3/24, I started experiencing pain in my lower back but it wasn't that "good pain" or "healing pain" that I have spoken of previously. Something was off, it hurt and it was getting worse with each passing day. By Sunday, I was barely able to stand up and it felt like I was being sabbed with every movement I made. By Monday, it was decided that I was just going to get the X-ray and show up at my surgeons office with my Dad, which is exactly what we did. The surgeon saw that I was in excruciating pain, and said "your X-rays look great. I don't see anything out of place. It's probably just a bad muscle spasm." Little consolation as I lay there sobbing in pain. My Dad suggested a cortisone injection and the doctor agreed as if saying "well, if you insist" - he said to call him Friday to let him know how I was doing.

Well, I made it til Wednesday before calling him back and telling him it was so bad I literally could not walk and that the pain was absolutely unbearable. Actually now that i think about it, Chad called because is was crying from the pain i couldn't talk. He said come to the ER, I'll admit you, we'll get your pain under control and get a CT scan just to make sure it wasn't more than a muscle spasm. Well, it was definitely more than a muscle spasm. He walked into my room at 6:50am the following morning after being admitted and said: "we'll, you have a broken back at the T12 level (1 level above where my fusion starts). He went on to say I have two options: "A clam shell back brace for 3 months or another extensive surgery to extend the fusion." and that was about it - then he was off to Bulgaria
to do mission work/surgery.  Great...i brake my back and my surgeon goes out of the country for a
week!  C'est la vie.  So, I spent a week at Cooper on IV pain and muscle relaxant meds and on April 4th, was transferred to Magee Rehab Hospital.

Here at Magee, my PT (Alex) is one of the brightest most experienced therapists I've ever come across - and aside from that he's a nice guy and makes me laugh even when what were doing hurts. My OT (Liz) always greets me with a smile on her face and a positive attitude.  She takes OT to another level by incorporating all aspects of me, my daily life, my occupation (an OT!) and my rehab, not just my back. The care I am getting here is top notch incredible. The Nurses, the CNA's, the maintenance staff, everyone - they all greet you with a smile.  I have a minimum of 3 hours of therapy a day: PT, OT, Recreation therapy, art therapy and even horticultural group twice a week. I was told I'd be here about 4 weeks.  I've completed two weeks thus far and have 2 more to go. It's hard work - its extremely painful to have a broken back (and this brace is not helping) on top of what was 8-9 weeks post-op healing from from the other 2 surgeries. I am getting the physical, mental,
emotional and psychological counseling that I need and I am so incredibly grateful. I am currently in
a wheelchair but that is NOT permenent (I'm not steady enough to walk so if I want to get around in my room I scoot around in my w/c - i can walk about 20-30' (which when i first got, here I couldn't even stand and walk 3-4') with assistance and a rolling walker and my standing tolerance has gotten alot better about 3-5' which is a big improvement. I NEED to be here - IT has taken me 2 weeks to really believe that - but I really do need to be here so that I come home, I'll be home for good. Thank goodness for FaceTime and Skype. I miss my babies and husband and I am so blessed for my parents and all they've given up and put on hold back home in Savannah to be here with us taking care of the kids and everything's you can think, imagine or dream of.

So with that I will update when possible. Email or call whatever you want. I will return all calls and emails although i have to admit I'm pooped by 9am and am often asleep by then! Haha! Thanks for all your prayers And support. I don't what my family and I would do without everyone's love And support.
Again, thank you!!