Preparations...Oh the preparations!

Lists, lists and more lists...lists for the food store, lists of the weekly and daily household chores that no one ever thinks about, lists of the kids' schedules/activities and what they eat and don't eat, lists of family and friends who want to be kept updated on how i'm progressing after these surgeries, contact info for doctor/hospital/employer/HR...you name it, i most likely have a list for it!  To write down everything on paper and actually SEE it, wow!  And yes, those of you who know me well know all-too-well that i have highlighted and color-coded just about everything!  LOL!  I think the more organized i feel the less anxious i get about the idea of NOT being in control and oober-organized with stuff.  I've even started "nesting," like when i was pregnant with both kids.  Cleaning, decluttering, toss/keep/donate!  Who knew we had so many mis-matched bed linens in the hallway closet!?!?!  And all those extension cords???  Who knew we kept them in there!?!?!  I've been nesting/preparing for these surgeries over the past month or so but even more so over the past week. 

The Up's and Down's - This roller coaster has been one hell of a ride since it began last June.  And it's one ride i'm very anxious to get off of.  The UP's of having this done: (1) pain relief; God-willing it will give me the pain relief i am looking for and need; (2) i'll be able to stand up straight without being hunched over; (3) better quality of life and being able to go out more often and do more with my husband and kids; (4) more energy to do the things i want to do; (5) to be able to sleep through the night and not wake up at 3am from pain only to come downstairs and sit on my heating pad waching old re-runs.  The DOWN's of having this done: (1) fear; i'm just plain old scared - plain and simple, but i can't let fear keep me from getting this done (2) it's gonna HURT LIKE HELL and there's just no way around that - having had 2 previous spinal fusions, i know just how much it'll hurt and i'm not looking forward to that. (3) i worry about the kids and what impact all of this will have on them - but then at the same time i tell myself that their Mommy will be better off for it in the longrun having it done now as opposed to 10 yrs from now. 

The initial shock of exactly what needs to be done has worn off.  For months, i couldn't even think about let alone talk about these surgeries.  I just couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that i would need such extensive, complex, risky surgery - two none the less - and that i'd be in the hospital for 2 weeks (assuming all goes well) and then possibly need inpatient rehab somewhere before ultimately returning home.  All 5 orthopedic surgeons (yes, i saw FIVE) used the term (and i quote) "huge" when referring to the scale and type of surgeries i needed.  Fusion surgery has evolved into an almost routine and relatively safe surgery in todays day and age - in and out of the hospital in 2-3 days.  But when i asked how common "this type of surgery is" (the type i needed), all of them stated that the complexity and extensive nature of what i needed what not common - my surgeon in his 27 yr career stated he does about 5 of them per year. 

REASSURANCE: With that being said, i did receive some comfort and reassurance from my original orthopedic surgeon who did finally agree to see me for a consult earlier this week - he basically gave me his "blessing" that what i was facing is indeed the only way to fix my back problems and he added that my surgeon scheduled to do my surgery in 10 days "is one of the best - he's extremely talented and well-equipped to handle such surgeries."  And with that, he gave me a big tight hug, wished me well, apologized that i had to go thru this but gave me great peace of mind knowing he recommended and had great faith in my surgeon.  A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders that morning...and i am looking forward to feeling better, living with alot less pain and enjoying my children and family more.