9 days and counting...

So it's Sunday morning, 9 days til surgery #1 and 16 days until surgery #2.  I woke up this morning to the same familiar low back pain that has awakened me almost every morning for the past year...except this morning, I "slept in" until almost 5am.  Most mornings it wakes me by around 3-3:30am and at that point i just need to get up.  The temperature outside on tv says it's 22*.  It's about time winter arrived - it IS the middle of January!  This morning my daughter and I will go to church while my son and his Daddy take a morning adventure to a friend's house to play hockey in his new finished basement! 

I need the reassurance of going to church and being reminded that I am not alone in this journey (as much as i feel that i am at times) - i don't think i've made it thru a service yet since scheduling my surgeries without tears in my eyes at some point.  It's powerful...emotional...and uplifting...to know that i have an entire community of faith believing in and praying for me during this time.  I often joke that i think i'm on every prayer list out there thanks to my family and friends.  I can feel the support and i know that with that many people lifting me up in prayer, i will get thru this and will look back on this time in my life as a distant memory.  Several months ago, my aunt, 2 cousins and 95 yr old grandmother came over for a visit.  Knowing i was feeling very overwhelmed and very scared about what was coming down the pike, they came with gifts of prayer and support.  A mass card for healing, a prayer called "The Cross" and a beautiful bracelet with the words "Expect Miracles" - I have not taken that bracelet off since the day they gave it to me (except to shower!) and i will not take it off until they wheel me in for surgery on Jan.24th - i think it's a beautiful visual reminder that God works in mysterious and miraculous ways every day and that we are all worthy of His grace and miracles.  And so i wait for mine...and "Expect Miracles."

Here are a few passages of what i've been sent over the past few months from various people.  They are a reminder to me (and hopefully to you!) that you are not alone, you are not given more than you can handle (although you might struggle with that one like i do!) and that whatever the experience you are facing, it is all is His plan (not necessarily ours, but definitely in His):

Isaiah 43:1-2

 ¹ But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
² When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

"This experience will be a defining moment in your life and those are always unsettled and unsettling times. But as you give over fears and anxieties to the Lord and practice trusting Him – these times become less frightening and become more of an adventure of faith. Because you will be “tuned in” you will see God’s hand in your life in ways that you have never seen before." - Pastor J.

<>"Even the Lord prayed, ["Father, if possible, let this cup pass me by, but let it be Your will, and not my will."] I truly believe that when one is invited into the garden of suffering, and accepts to drink of the cup if it is God’s will, and offers their suffering for others….they make the most powerful prayer on the face of the earth.I call it the prayer of the Redemptive Sufferer….After all….isn’t that exactly what Jesus did on the Cross?" <>- Msgr. M.

Footprints

One night I had a dream-- I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints, one belonged to me and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life. This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way, but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. "I don't understand why in times when I needed you most, you should leave me." The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. "When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."...Mary Stevenson