This past month has been filled with alot of challenges...physical, emotional and mental. I have come a long way in one month...I still have a long way to go until I'm where I want and need to be, but all in all, I have come a long way. I have PT several times a week, working me hard and not letting me give in (or give up). I want to be able to do more without getting so tired but I also have to remember that I can't overdo things or else I take two steps back. I have to be patient with myself (something easier said than done for me!) This week, my friends from MOPS and HOPE started delivering meals to our family several times a week, which has been a tremendous blessing to my family, especially my dear (exhausted!) Mom who has been wearing many hats all at once: taxi driver, cook, house keeper, laundry-doer (is that a title?!?!), caregiver to me and my 2 two small children, boo-boo kisser for the kids when Mommy isn't available, entertainer and about a million other things! I'm battling the emotional guilt part of not "being there" for my kids but when i am there, i'm really "there" for and with them...I try to spend quality time with each one as we're curled up on my hospital bed in the living room - we read a book, play a game or just cuddle. I cherish those times and I know the kids understand that Mommy just isn't able to DO much yet - so even though they're young, i really think they know that Mommy is working hard on getting better and stronger so that Mommy can be a fun and active Mommy again! Something I am very much looking forward to in the future. Mentally, it's exhausting and at times very frustrating to realize i can't do things - there are things you just take for granted doing until you can't do them anymore! I know it's temporary - like Dr. Phil says, "This ain't my first rodeo." So i know as time passes i'll get stronger and things will get easier - and they are - but just not as fast as i want them to. Again, patience...it's NOT my strongest quality.
Spiritually, I've never felt stronger or closer to God than I do now. I have had a revalation of sorts. It took walking thru hell to realize that when I couldn't walk, God was carrying me...and when I couldn't stand the pain not one minute longer, He allowed me to drift off into sleep as the pain medication kicked in. And just when I felt all alone in this struggle and thought I would never get out of this "state" (of depending on others, of feeling completely helpless and reliant on others especially in the hospital), He was there to whisper in my ear that I am NOT alone, that He is with me in this journey - and i never really believed it until now. I believe it now with my whole being. With every ounce of who I am, i know that having gone through this experience, I am nothing without Him and it was He who carried and now currently walks with me through this journey as I continue down this long road of recovery.
I saw my surgeon this morning, the talented and very skillful Dr. Clements, who reminded me that i had "been through the wringer" and that I am right on target with where I should be at this point in time. Very reassuring. I will return in a month and have xrays prior to my visit. I have a piece of the Harrington rod as a token of just what was inside of me all these years causing me so much pain. Amazing to actually hold in my hand - and amazing that it (along with the rest of the rods and hooks) are OUT of my body now. Humpty Dumpty has officially been put back together again with pedicle screws and smaller rods - and i'll post pics of my xrays once i have them in a couple weeks (I can't wait to see them!) In the meantime, i thought i'd show you my BEFORE & AFTER photos - the before's were taken while i tried to stand with my back up against the wall - unable to do so, i had to bend my knees. With knees straight, i was atleast 6" away from the wall. The after, well - it speaks for itself :) And the T-shirt was given to me by a US Marine friend of my Dad's - it says "Pain Is Weakness Leaving The Body." How true!
AFTER - knees straight, back against the wall~!!!
Hey Michele. So glad to see you are making progress. You are in my daily prayers. I love you very much! Maybe I will be able to stop by this weekend sometime. Love you, and God bless! Xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks Bridget - - you know how much the prayers mean to me. I love you very much too - and stop by anytime! Our door is always open (and i don't get out much these days - lol)!!
DeleteHi Michele, I was just checking in on you :) It certainly has been a long rough road but I'm so glad you are home with your family and making such great progress. Know that I think of you often and how you're doing through this. Say hello to Matthew for me! Sincerely,
ReplyDeleteMelissa Sheppard
Hi Melissa! Thanks so much for the well-wishes. It's been a rough road but it's getting a little better day by day. Some days there is no change and some days I feel worse, but I'm making progress little by little. I was just making a School Days Book for Matthew and Katie and when we put his picture from preschool in there, he said "HEY MOMMY! It's my Schoolhouse - and Mrs. Sheppard!" LOL. He loved you!! I hope you're doing well.
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