Easier said than done: "to find humor and laughter in pain" *no matter what the 'pain'* I totally get that. Really, I do! Many of you would probably agree with me there. Case in point: I come from a great (and I do mean GREAT!) BIG Irish Catholic family - and so when someone passes away, we have a great big Irish Catholic funeral - maybe you've heard of such occasions?? It's a "send off" so to speak. Full of sadness but also full of celebration - of the life our loved one lived - of how that person touched our lives and of how we can honor and remember them in a way THEY would want to be honored and remembered. And let me just say, for as much love and for as many members are in this great big family of mine, there is just as much, if not more, LAUGHTER. My family is full of comedians - both young and old!!! And no gathering is short of laughter.
Ok, so imagine the viewings, funerals and "luncheons" when a loved one passes in one of these great big Irish Catholic families (like mine!) What immediately comes to mind are those 'luncheons' which follow the funeral mass and burial. I remember as a teenager and even young adult, stopping and staring (glaring really, like 'how dare you!') at the sound of laughter...LAUGHTER...at one of these 'funeral luncheons' (where, by the way, it's ok to have a drink before noon apparently - haha! In fact, it's ok to have several drinks by noon!) Anyway, I digress. I never really understood HOW it was possible that we, as family members and friends of the loved one who passed, could possibly smile or God forbid LAUGH out loud on such a somber occasion. I always thought to myself, "People!?!? Get a grip and stop being so disrespectful! Don't laugh...be SAD...we're supposed to all be sad. Not irreverant and certainly not laughing!"
I remember quite clearly feeling angry that people could actually SMILE on such an occasion, and to LAUGH?? Well that was downright disrespectful and insulting. However, what I didn't fully understand until many years later when my uncle and 25 yr old cousin passed away within 1 year of each other was that it was ok to cry, to smile, to retell funny stories of the loved one who passed, and yes, to dare I say it, LAUGH. Although it was a time of tremendous and overwhelming sadness and pain, it was how we all celebrated and honored our loved one...by smiling, by retelling stories which often provoked tears of sadness and of joy at the same time...and yes, it provided some much-needed levity to what was otherwise a very sad and painful occasion. At that point in time, I wasn't ready to join in on the story sharing, the laughter or even the smiling to be quite honest but in hindsight, that is how we all got through it...by "finding humor and laughter in an extremely sad and painful situation...that's how we survived it."
Now, I'm not talking about funerals and how we handle, get through and survive such sad events in our lives in order to upset anyone. I'm bringing all of this up because to me, the phrase I quoted in the first sentence means something...I believe it...and I think most of you would agree that if not for an occasional (and very delicate) break of humor or levity in what would otherwise be a very somber and painful experience, it would be more difficult to get through it. My use of humor is when I say I'm in "survival mode," it's true! I'm just trying to get from sun up to sun down without hurting myself (or anyone else!) by falling over an ant hill or a dust bunny. "Survival mode" is all about necessities: 'need to do' and 'nice to do' lists: Need to do = get the kids up, dressed, fed (and it doesn't always mean a 'healthy and balanced breakfast' (haha) - sometimes Scoobie Snacks and a banana ARE a balanced breakfast! and out the door for school! I have to learn to see the humor in life - to not take myself so seriously - to enjoy and perhaps embrace the dust bunnies in the corner (just as long as I don't FALL over them - hahaha!) I'm human and my house is a wreck but that's ok (Good Lord, did I just say that!?!?) I have to remind myself that when life is scary, painful and full of unknowns, I have to surround myself with good friends, good family, a good book or funny movie and and a good dose of humor every now and then. It does wonders for my heart and soul.
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