Deja Vu...Wasn't I Just Here???

Well, all I can say is "WASTN'T I JUST HERE?? DIDN'T WE JUST GO THRU ALL THIS??" In just 6 weeks, i will have my 5th spinal reconstruction - my 3rd of this year alone. The thought of that just hasn't really hit me yet. I can say it....but it's almost like i don't really believe it yet. But like it or not, that date (OCT.30th) will come and I'll be back on that operating table before I know it. This time though, it needs to work. It needs to needs to needs to work! A broken back is extremely painful, for those of you who have never experienced it. Back pain in general, even without a broken back, is at best excruciating at times. If I hadn't broken my back in mid-March, I truly believe I would be doing very well at this point (8 months post-op). But, that's not what happened. So we move forward. Do I have a choice? Quite simply, no.

I get asked ATLEAST 2-3 times a week by someone, anyone - a friend, a family member, neighbor - they say, "I don't know how you do it. Two youngs kids 3 and 5 and all that goes with it." And again, i just smile and, "Quite honestly, I don't know either - all I know is that I don't have a choice. I don't get to sit and moan and groan about what hurts and boo hoo to the kids." They're kids! They're just doing what kids do - it's ME, it's Mommy who feels broken and is in constant pain. I guess if I were to really answer that question honestly, I'd say, "Well, I pray...alot lately - and i just get by and live in survival mode." As long as the kids are clean, fed, dressed and semi-happy (haha), then that's good enough for me. And by 'semi-happy' I mean not throwing themselves on the floor having a tantrum over which sneakers to wear or what princess panties to wear!  There is some laughter in our house but honestly, it's so hard to be a happy "good" Mommy when you're in constant, unrelenting stabbing pain with any movement. SO, like I said - we're in survival mode and we're getting by - taking each day as it comes and doing the best we can to be happy, polite, loving and respectful to one another.

So, I am T-minus 6 weeks and counting...the surgery is expected to last approximately 8 hours and it will be done at Cooper again. As you've probably read, I'm fused L1-S1 into the pelvis. With this upcoming surgery the doctor will remove the rods, add screws on either side of my spine from T12 (the broken vertebra) all the way up to T2 - - basically my entire back will be fused from top to bottom including my pelvis. He will then extend rods on either side of my spine to stabilize the entire thing. The #1 risk is bleeding, which I had a big problem with on the 2nd surgery of this year with losing 1/2 of my blood volume. The second biggest risk is infection - apparently because I have so much scar tissue from all of my previous spinal reconstructions, all that's left is scar tissue (whereas someone else would have muscle). Apparently, scar tissue has a very high incidence for infection...great...just great...SO, i will be on antibiotics again before and after surgery, and they will also re-infuse the blood I lose back into me during surgery after filtering it - and again I'll have to donate 3 pints of blood (1 pint a week 3 weeks before surgery).  YUCK - that's the worst part. Well, one of the worst parts. So that's the summary of what's happening and what WILL happen in just 6 weeks.

As always, your prayers and support are very much appreciated.