Home Sweet Home.....

Well WHAT a crazy 5 weeks it has been in the Millar household - or shall I say to be more accurate what a crazy 3-1/2 months it has been!  BUT, despite the highs and lows (of which there have been many), we're all still here, still surviving what life throws at us.  I can't BELIEVE i was gone for 5 weeks as i just came home yesterday after spending a month at Magee Rehab Hospital and before that a week at Cooper in Camden.  FIVE WEEKS.  I came home and felt like a stranger in my own home.  It was surreal...and overwhelming.  It was a bit unfamiliar and yet, it was home.  MY home...in true "Michele" fashion, I had to have all my ducks in a row - organize this, straighten up that and so on...and then in the silence of it all, i just cried...i'm not sure why - but i just did - like i had to let it out - i was just so happy to be home but at the same time, so sad for all the time that i had missed....i cried for fear of the future: what if 'it' (the broken back that no one knows how it happened) happens again...how do I move on from here without living in a bubble and feeling like i can't do anything because "it" might happen again.  So i'm trying (now day 2 home) to live a normal life and do normal things yet very cautiously and carefully, which is really the only way I can do this!

So the kids are thrilled to have me home -- Kate went down for nap today and said "you not go no where mommy, you stay here." LOL.  And the first thing she said when my Mom went to get her was "Mommy here now - she not go not where, right Nana?"  Despite the terribly improper 3 yr old English, it just melted my heart.  And Matthew kept asking if he could get me a snack or some fruit - actually he must've asked me 10 times but it was so sweet.  It's definitely awesome to be home I'd like to keep it that way for a long time!!

How do I feel: Exhausted. Completely 100% totally exhausted.  That'll improve i know, but wow, i'm wiped out. My appetite is coming back, my pain is being well controlled, and I'm able to do quite a bit - walk with and without a walker depending on how far i'm going, do the stairs with someone in front and/or behind me, get dressed using all my OT "gadgets," and if hungry, make a snack.  Sounds so trivial, but coming from completely helpless to where I am today, I am so incredibly grateful.  I feel blessed to have such a loving family and friends who've been 'riding this out' with me.  I don't know what i'd do without them.

So, at Magee, i not only had a wonderful OT & PT but also had the opportunity to do art therapy and horticultural therapy...what a great therapeutic outlet when you're in the hospital.  It makes you forget what hurts and why your there - even if only for an hour.  I thought i'd share some things I 'created' with you:

 My daughter Kate smelling the flowers on the rooftop deck at Magee - we could all learn a lesson about stopping to smell the roses.  Slow down, life goes by too fast - stop and smell the flowers and enjoy the colors of the world through the eyes of a child.

 And YES, i did write these - so many people have said to me "Did you write this?" and my answer "Yes!" It was a very therapeutic outlet for me to incorporate two things I love most: writing and calligraphy.  The first one "BELIEVE" is a motto or term for lack of a better word that Magee uses to describe themselves. And now having been a patient there, i see what they mean...."BELIEVE....in a way back."  That is what inspired me to write the one above.

The one below was something I thought would sum up my stay at Magee using the 5 short letters in it's name: MAGEE.  I came in knowing that miracles happen every day and i believed I was worthy of one. So i "BELIEVED" (there's that word again) in "Miracles happening."  Every day, we as patients are working to achieve our goals - the harder you work, the further you'll go - plain and simple.  "Greatness of staff" speaks for itself and no one can attest to that better than a patient.  They are truly wonderful, giving, supportive people who want the best for you - and that goes from therapists to doctors to CNA's, rehab aides and housekeeping...everyone was willing to help in any way possible.  You don't find that everywhere you go and Magee sets the standard very high for others to meet in my opinion.  The efforts of the patients again goes with working to achieve your goals.   Once you leave here, the possibilities are endless.  You are not defined by or confined by your 'title' - patient, therapist, CEO, Vice President, etc. What I mean by "Endless possibilities" is that we are all capable of great things - some small, small large - but whatever our contribution to this world, the possibilities of those contributions, achievements or goals are endless!  You never know where the next "miracle" or "achievement" may happen and to have so many staff members supporting and encouraging you along your journey, it makes for truly "Endless possibilities."